Why am I here? Why am I alive? Why do I feel like I don’t really exist?
I once was a carefree person. I didn’t want to worry about anything at all, and that means anything; stuff like education, work, money, people, family, friends, God. All I ever cared for was me having fun, doing what I wanted to do without giving consideration to how it would make others feel and the consequences of those actions.
I always believed that things would just fall into place and that the wrong choices I was making would just work out fine later on. I shrugged off responsibilities just as easily as taking off my shirt, and ended up hurting a lot of people along the way. It took me years, decades, to realize that the person I was hurting the most was myself.
Getting hit with that kind of reality, I can’t say is like a slap on the face or getting hit by a car as I’ve never experienced such, and I really hope not, but it hits you really hard. What’s even harder to imagine is how to become a better person than you were yesterday.
How does one change course? How can you just suddenly wake up one day and ask yourself, “What is my purpose? Why am I here?” Every day since that day has become a battle, a constant battle of understanding what is my purpose or what is life’s purpose for me.
It is a surprisingly new chapter in my life, this realization. But it is one that I willfully accept because it has changed me and made me see things beyond myself, beyond my own world and my own imagination.
It is something that I look forward to now, every day. I may not understand yet what my purpose is or why I am alive, but I am now starting to feel glad I am here and I am starting to make better choices that has a positive impact in my life and in other people’s lives.
One thing that I am sure though, we weren’t born by chance, we were born with a purpose.